


how do i (un)love you

by florallylly



Category: TWICE (Band), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Engaged, Exes, F/F, F/M, Post-Break Up, also kind of stupid but ahahhaha, so like this is kind of rushed and sad but, yes i really did include kang daniel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-11 01:29:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20145328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/florallylly/pseuds/florallylly
Summary: you sent me a love letter from the past, but i'm still in love with you





	1. to mina

_ mina,  _

_ when i first met you, i was terrified. i don’t know if you remember this, or even noticed, but my hands were shaking the whole time. i know, it sounds silly, but you were this talented, experienced new recruit, and i was a senior employee going nowhere.  _

_ do you still remember the first time i talked to you? i thought i was being so smooth. i thought i was acting like the competent senior i was supposed to be. and i was, of course, until i messed up and spilled hot coffee all down my shirt. and even though i ended up having sore, tender skin for a hot minute after that, it was kind of worth it, because you helped clean me up. you smelled like jasmine and lavender, and i’ve never again smelt anything so sweet. _

mina’s hands grip the steering wheel, her knuckles nearly white from strain. breathing deep, she attempts to focus on the road ahead, but all she can think about is that stupid email that’s been sitting in her inbox for nearly a week, the subject a vague “the only absolute,” and the sender, her long gone ex-girlfriend, the ever insufferable park jihyo. even now, nearly five years later, she had found a way to weasel her way into mina’s life. 

and no, mina was not in any way emotionally or mentally affected by this sudden attempt at communication after years and years of just complete radio silence. and no, the email and what it might say didn’t in any way stay a constant presence in her mind, a heavy weight pressing at the back of her head at every moment. the idea of what it could say, and the implications, were overwhelming to even mention in passing. so, the best course of action was to ignore it, and ignore the old feelings and hopes she had pushed down in hopes of moving on. 

and it wasn’t fair, the way that park jihyo still had this effect on mina, so long after they had broken up. but apparently, saying that she had moved on wasn’t cutting it, because even just the thought of reconnecting awakened something she hadn’t felt in a long time. 

but, realistically, she had no time for this. she had no time to be thinking about girlfriends of christmas past or present or future, whatever. which is why, as she had been doing for the past week since it first arrived in her inbox, mina forced her feelings way down, electing to ignore it for one more day, in favor of the project she was working on at work, a full restaurant remodel requested by some faceless client. she hadn’t seen the original layout yet, but chaeyoung had promised to get her hands on the blueprints by that afternoon. 

dahyun had secured the client through whatever (questionable) connections she had, but mina wasn’t one to complain, with the majority of their small agency’s jobs having been found by dahyun and her “connections.” she often cited her “mom’s friend’s daughter’s sister’s cousin’s brother’s boss’s grandpa,” or the like, but this time, all she had said about this job was that it was “requested by an old acquaintance of ours,” which was suspicious in itself, but who was mina to question dahyun?

_ do you wanna know something crazy? i thought i was gonna marry you. honestly, i still do. i can’t imagine marrying anyone other than you. i can’t imagine loving anyone but you. you, this beautiful, intelligent woman, respectful and reserved, but i could see how brave you were.  _

_ you told me so many stories. of family, of friends, of love, of home. and i know you missed it, home, that is. i could see it in your eyes every time you talked about it. yet still, you were determined to accomplish what you had left home to do- to be the most successful female architect in asia. and i know you’ll get there. if anyone was to do it, it would be you.  _

mina turned right, pulling into the parking lot of their “office,” or, really, mina and sana’s apartment. carefully stepping over blueprints and bills spread over the floor, mina made her way into the living room, used to, but still annoyed at the mess. when the five of them had started out, mina had hoped to be in an office within a year of working contractually. yet, here they were, almost three years in, and no professional workspace. 

unlike mina’s meticulously constructed plans and outlines, life had a funny way of messing with you, which meant that instead of the ten year plan 20 year old mina had drawn up, with hopes of having her own established firm by now, mina had a home office and a notebook full of clients found off of e-bay. or thanks to dahyun’s mom’s sister’s brother’s best friend. whatever. 

not to say that their business wasn’t doing well, because they had had moderate success in the private sector, and were able to sustain a reasonable amount of employees. and they were gaining traction. or they were projected to within the next couple of years, so long as they kept up the trend of satisfied clients. which was why this project was so important. 

more important than whatever dissatisfaction mina had with their ragtag team and make shift office, or with her (lack of a) love life. more important than that tingling feeling she had pulling at her heartstrings everytime she thought about that unread email sitting in her inbox. 

that stupid, idiotic, dumb email. from her stupid, idiotic, dumb ex-girlfriend. stupid, idiotic, dumb. stupid, idiotic, dumb. stupid, idiotic, dumb. 

“what are you doing here, mina?” dahyun stepped out of the bathroom, drying her hands on her pants. mina flinched, before looking blankly at dahyun. “chaeyoung said you two were supposed to meet the client today. at like 3 or something.” mina glanced down at the clock. 2:30. what the fuck? 

“shit…” mina pulled her phone out of her back pocket, and the texts from chaeyoung popped up immediately, “sorry, yes, i’ll see you. bye!” running out to her car, mina plugged in the address chaeyoung had sent her nearly two hours ago, into her gps (which thankfully predicted the estimated time of arrival to be fifteen to 3). 

_ you inspired me, mina. to be more. to be better. you inspired me to go back to culinary school. and you pushed me to pursue what i really wanted. i want you to know that even though you don’t want to be around me for the time being, the thought of you still pushes me forward. i’m going to be better. i’m going to be more. for you.  _

_ and i don’t care if it takes me a year, or two, or a decade. i’m going to open the restaurant we always wanted to have together. and when i do. and when i make it. i’m going to come back for you, and i’m going to marry you. if you’ll still have me, that is. _

mina pulled into the parking lot of a somewhat familiar restaurant, rushing to fix her hair and pull her blazer back on before grabbing her notebook. chaeyoung had texted her on the drive there, saying that she had arrived a little early, so mina immediately entered the restaurant, her neck craning to try to find chaeyoung. 

which wasn’t that difficult considering that the restaurant was almost completely empty, mina now taking note of the “closed” sign on the door, and chaeyoung was seated at a table nearby across from another woman. 

taking calm, measured steps, mina made her way to the table, trying to figure out why the other woman seemed so familiar to her. her thoughts were scrambled, but her heart tugged in a way it only did when she was around- 

jihyo. 

the other woman turned around, a bright smile on her face, just as mina had remembered. her hair, cut short, as opposed to the long curls jihyo used to have when they were dating. and her eyes- they were just as kind, just as soft. and it scared mina how much it affected her to see jihyo again. 

“mina!’ jihyo grinned, “it’s so great to see you again.” she extended her arms, pulling mina into a short hug, during which mina could smell the same old vanilla perfume jihyo had been using for ages. and during which mina could have sworn her heart had stopped. because this could not be happening. 

or maybe this was all apart of jihyo’s plan. because after they had broken up, jihyo had always sworn that they would find each other again. that they would be together eventually. that true love always found a way-

“i’m so glad you accepted the job. i really want this to be done right, and i know you’re the best female- no, the best architect, period, in asia, huh, mina?” jihyo looked at her, and mina felt her knees go weak, “and honestly, this is something of a wedding gift, for my fiance.” and then the sky came crashing down. because right there, on park jihyo’s ring finger was a giant diamond. 

_ you know i’m kidding. i could never make you do anything. but i swear, true love will always find a way. and mina, i know you’re the one for me. but because you want, i won’t call you anymore. i won’t email you. i won’t write letters. i won’t text. i’ll leave you alone for as long as you want.  _

_ i know that we haven’t talked in a while. i know we may never again. i know we may never meet again. and yet, if you asked me, in ten years, in a hundred years, if i still loved you, my answer would always be, “yes.”  _

_ -jihyo _


	2. to jihyo

_ jihyo, _

_ do you know me? shit, of course you do. you were the only one to greet me with a smile on my first day at work. you’re the only one who still says “hi” to me every morning without fail. you’re the only one who actually cares, at least as far as i can see.  _

_ well, it’s me. mina. mina myoui. we work together. well, not together together, but at the same company. we work on the same floor, i work in the planning department, and you’re in accounting. but you probably know that, right? sorry, i’m messing everything up.  _

jihyo twisted her engagement ring around her finger, smiling gently across the table at the two women. maybe it was a mistake to hire mina. but at the same time, it felt right when she had done it. because after all, who best to design her dream restaurant then her (former) dream girl. and she was ok with it. and daniel was ok with it. 

they had discussed it, and at first, jihyo had expected yelling, screaming even. maybe even a little bit of crying. definitely more than a, “whatever you want, babe.” to which jihyo had responded with a, 

“you know she’s my ex, right?” because jihyo was confused. actually, more than confused, she was worried her fiance had memory loss or a concussion or something because who wouldn’t be worried about a former ex-girlfriend-near-fiancee. 

“yeah, i know.” daniel barely looked up from his book, “and you’re my fiancee. i trust you. i love you.” which is how jihyo knew that daniel was the one, so she called up a friend’s mom’s uncle’s coworker’s babysitter who knew someone who worked with mina, and hired them. 

but now, confronted with mina, actually, in person, in the flesh, she felt things happening that definitely shouldn’t have been happening. like butterflies. like fireworks. like hearts, skipping beats. very abnormal, and very very not cool. 

truthfully, jihyo wasn’t sure if she would have felt better or worse with daniel by her side, because now, she had an unmistakable flush on her cheeks, and it was from nothing more than a brush of the fingers. a stupid, casual, dumb, unintentional brush of the fingers. barely even a touch, really. 

and at that moment, jihyo recalled words she had written nearly five years ago. “if you asked me… if i still loved you, my answer would always be “yes.”” and looking at mina, across the table, her hair tucked behind her ear and her tongue poking out between her teeth in concentration, jihyo couldn’t find it in herself to deny it. 

  
  


_ but yes, onto the subject of this email. i’m sending it from some wack job site that one of my friends sent me, so hopefully this works out. but i’m setting a deadline for myself. i just think it helps motivate me if i do it this way, so i’ll get on with it.  _

_ since the day i met you, i liked you. i won’t say i love you, yet, because to be completely honest, i don’t think i know what love is. but i do know that you make me feel happy and nervous and scared and secure and worth it all at the same time, so you must be doing something right.... right?  _

within a week of working together, jihyo got scared. because it felt too familiar. it felt too much like everything she had imagined when they were still together. mina smiling back at her, poring over blueprints and calling her at 9 in the morning to ask some mundane question about beams and pillars and ceilings. 

and it scared her because just like before, she had been pulled in by mina and her sweet smile. and yeah, it had been some of the best years of her life, and she was better for it, but after their break up, jihyo had been broken. 

most nights she could barely sleep, and she barely ate. her mom flew over in a hurry, worried that her daughter was wasting away. because she was. at the time, jihyo had seen no future without mina. it took a month of coaxing and a lot of time in her mom’s arms for her to realize that she had to get up eventually. 

but it was the thought of getting together with mina that had really driven jihyo to get back up and get back to work. the restaurant could only take so many days without her, and the owners had already been quite generous with the time she had spent off crying into her pillow. 

so at the time, jihyo had written one of those stupid “letter later”s that mina had been so obsessed with before. set a deadline for herself or whatever, and writing that little email to mina, to be sent in five years or so, just meant it was a little more concrete. 

and for a long, long time, jihyo hadn’t loved again. because there was only one person in her heart. but daniel had found her, and loved her without wanting anything in return. and he had been her friend and her confidante, and they kind of just fell into it. love, that is. 

but that was comfortable, and it made jihyo feel safe, but what she felt when she was around mina again was explosive. it was c-4 and daniel was a nerf gun. and when she closed her eyes, jihyo saw how easy it would be to fall back into fighting with and loving mina again. 

and when she saw mina every single day, her eyes twinkling with something less than professionalism, it made jihyo want to fall back into it. it made her want to be unsafe again. it made her want to love like crazy again. 

_ so i’ve promised myself this- if i don’t talk to you, normally, like in a normal conversation by a certain date, this email will be sent to you, and you’ll know all about my stupid little crush on you. so hopefully, i ball up and actually talk to you because the alternative would be horrifying to even think about.  _

_ like if you decided to show all your friends the email, or if you called hr on me, or if you didn’t like me back. actually, now that i think about it, maybe this isn’t the best idea. _

so when mina backed her up against the wall of her prospective restaurant, jihyo let herself be cornered. and she let herself be caught up in the moment. and she let her eyes flutter closed, and she let herself kiss back. 

but then she pulled away. because as much as she loved mina, she loved daniel now. because he was safe and he was protection and he was home. and she couldn’t bear to be broken again. so she pulled away and she pushed away. 

“isn’t this what you wanted?” mina asked, her confusion and hurt evident in her voice.

“mina, i’m engaged…” 

“then why did you hire me? then why do you look at me the way you do? then why did you send me that stupid email five years after we had broken up?” mina teared up, her voice getting higher and more frantic with each question, “why did you kiss me back?” 

“i’m-” jihyo wiped her eyes, “i don’t know! i’m confused.” mina coiled back, jihyo’s answer obviously not the one she was looking for. 

“mina…” jihyo took a few calming breaths, “i love you.” mina looked at her, hopefully, “but i love daniel too, and he was the one who helped fix me when you broke me. and honestly, i don’t think i could ever love you as wholly as i did before.” she took mina’s hand in hers. 

“who we were before, isn’t who we are now. and the me now, wanted you to design my dream restaurant because i trust you. i trust your abilities, because i know you’re going to be the best architect in asia. period. 

but we aren’t meant for each other. you know that, right? the me five years ago wouldn’t have, and that’s why i wrote that stupid email, and i’m sorry for confusing you like that, but i meant every word. you’ve always inspired me. and i’ll always love you. just… not in the way that you need.” 

mina rested her head on jihyo’s shoulder, “i know. i’m sorry.” jihyo smiled wistfully, “i’m glad you’re happy.” 

“i want you to be happy too.” 

“i will be.” 

_ but, dahyun is watching me right now, and she’s kind of crazy about this whole website thing, so i’ll press send for now, and then delete it later or something, but yeah, i like you. please like me back, or at the very least, pretend that you’ve never seen this because that would be so embarrassing.  _

_ but most of all, thanks for being kind when you didn’t have to be. if we, this thing, whatever, doesn’t work out, i really hope that whatever happens, you find happiness, because you deserve it. thanks for being such a great senior. _

_ mina _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahahahhahahahah this SUHCKCKKKSSKSKSKS ok im done anyway hope u enjoyed how absolute shit this is :( deadass really do not like the ending there, but i kind of rushed it so that's on me. sorry my bad.

**Author's Note:**

> ahahahahah so like.... i finished this bc of the recent dating news with jihyo and daniel and LIKE it was supposed to end in approximately the same way, but whatever now i added daniel. YES this kind of sucks, but now that i'll feel weird writing anything with endgame jihyoxtwice member pairing :(, i just wanted to get this out. pls hmu if u enjoyed it or didnt enjoy it lol 
> 
> im on twitter @florallylly


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